his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
