Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
