then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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