I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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