Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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