Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
