Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
