Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
no you cant smoke seaweed
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
