Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
So vagazzling was a success
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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