had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Did I show you my penis last night?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
