there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
