she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
