my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
