Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
