I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
