I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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