Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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