Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize