What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
