just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
