Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
