i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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