Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
