So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
