tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
