i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
