Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
