Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
