shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
