it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
