Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
