How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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