Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Randomize
