My liver just broke up with me...
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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