It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
