I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize