Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
