So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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