I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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