You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
