you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
