The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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