I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
