just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She tied me up with her honor cords...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
