I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I deserve this hangover.
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