so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
