Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
