have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
