don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
