So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize