This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
