Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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