Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
