dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize