I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He passed out mid-signature
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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