you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Randomize
