Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
