Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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