if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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