I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
When did angry sex become our thing?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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