I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize