Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize