oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I wish there were birth control emojis
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
