there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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