What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
organizing the empties. That sober.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
