addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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