I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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