god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
