Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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